I have a three year old Koala Bear named GumNut that I'm desperately trying to find a new home for. I bought him back in January figuring it would be an awesome pet that would enjoy living in my greenhouse, sadly I was wrong. I paid $3200 for him back in January and I’m not sure what the used Koala Bear market is like in a good economy or the one we have now; so I’m open to offers. Please use some common sense before contacting me, don't be an idiot, I’m not interested in trading my Koala Bear for your busted up 1980's Camaro, an XBOX, or an offer to paint my garage door.
GumNut's Stats:
The Good
*He is somewhat housebroken, uses a cat box most of the time.
*For the most part he is very quiet; this also falls into the bad category which we will touch on in a moment.
*He eats spiders, (not kidding) we haven't had a spider in our house since we got him.
*Hates watching Desperate Housewives, used to be my wife’s favorite show until GumNut bit her for changing the channel from Jeopardy, to Desperate Housewives.
*Gets along well with one of my two dogs.
*Loves to go for car rides.
*Likes glitter and if he plays in it long enough it sticks to his fur and he looks like a shiny little robot.
*Every time I take him to the drive through at Burger King he gets a free order of small fries and I get free milkshake.
Now for the Bad:
*He eats a lot of eucalyptus, which is not as cheap as I expected.
*Apparently eucalyptus is like a drug for Koala Bears, when GumNut is coming down from his high he becomes very violent and aggressive.
*He raped and killed my wife's cat "Captain Socks'" (Honestly, I wanted to put this in the good section because I've been trying to find a way to get that worthless cat out of our house for two years, thanks GumNut.)
*He does not like Asian's, I have no idea where this Koala was raised but someone of Asian Decent must have really mistreated him.
*Loves Vin Diesel movies, not sure why, he just does.
*Has extremely sharp claws and teeth which he uses often.
*Loves shiny objects, steals and hides them frequently in my dog's ass.
*He is quiet, and as a result has snuck in on my wife and I during intimate moments. I mind him watching; maybe it won't bother you as much.
* GumNut smells terrible and is not easy to wash; I had to leave a propane tank with the valve open in his greenhouse for two hours before he blacked out and I was able to get him in this bucket for this bath.
*Once he is in the water he is fine, getting him into the water is a challenge, he will scratch you, he will bite you, and you will bleed.
Please email with questions, and no you don't need a license to own him.
Thanks,
Robyn Emerson
ReplyDeletewhere in denver? How much were u thinking?
Apr 1
Reply |Chris Jones to Robyn
Are you kidding?
Reply |Robyn Emerson to me
yes i wanted to know where u lived so that i could turn u in because u shouldn't own a Koala. No one should for that matter!
--- On Fri, 4/2/10, Chris Jones < > wrote
Reply |Chris Jones to Robyn
Hello Robyn,
I agree with you 100% it's wrong to capture and domesticate wild animals. That said, apparently you were too busy patting yourself on the back for being a defender of abused Koala’s and missed the part at the bottom of the posting where I stated "Happy April 1st, and thanks for reading." (April 1st is also commonly known as April fool’s Day)
Please read carefully before you flag an ad next time.
do you still have him? I really would love him even if he was a little bad... my e mail cool70mustang@hotmail.com
ReplyDeleter u still sellinh it?
ReplyDeleteThis is... this is gold. +1
ReplyDeleteafter the owner using propane to knock him out, gumnut once hes awake should keelz him!
ReplyDeleteAny idea what they taste like once well cooked?
ReplyDeleteThey taste just like baby Bald Eagle.
ReplyDeleteI have a cat problem and I don't care for Desperate Housewives. So He can bite people for having it on my T.V. oh and I don't mind him watching me bone my old lady. I'll give you 2,200.
ReplyDeleteHi Anonymous,
DeleteMy friend, we have all had cat problems and every relationship in America has endured a fight due to that show “Desperate Housewives” AKA mouth hookers who can’t find steady work. Let’s set out on a quest, sort of like Lord of The Rings, but without dwarf rape. We can locate the individual holding my Koala and present the bear into your loving arms. All we need is some PCP, Eucalyptus Leaves, Diesel Fuel, pantyhose, and we will have the finest batch of Koala-Nip that would draw GumNut out of the darkest crevasse. After paying for the supplies I’ll only charge you $8.00 for the exchange.
Blessed Thoughts,
Koala_Ghost_Hunter.net
Oh darn it to heck! I had a recipe for smoked Koala that would have pared nicely with my shark fin soup. Oh well.
ReplyDeleteHi Anonymous,
DeleteIt’s a well known fact in parts of Asia that Shark Fin Soup raises testosterone levels to nearly immeasurable heights. I would highly advise against pairing that dish with a smoked meat. It will not only cause an erection that will last well past 4 hours; but you can probably expect to set off a smoke alarm or at the very least send off a misguided signal to some Native Americans once a climax has been reached.
Happy reading,
The Staff at __Cooking Naked With Teddy Ruxpin. com